What Sits Heavily in My Heart

Summer has always been my favorite time of the year. As it comes to a close, I've been reflecting on what I’ve done, the relationships I’ve built and the lessons I’ve learned. I am proud of the work I do and the amazing relationships that I continue to nourish and be nourished by. At the same time, sitting heavily in my heart is the disappointment and frustration that many BIPOC have about white folks. I understand it and simultaneously see how deeply the roots of racism and white supremacy culture reside in us. I wish with all my heart that I could just be rid of it. A dear friend and white co-conspirator once told me that they wished they could “exorcize it out of themselves.” I wish it were that simple but I know that it is not.  

Please understand that I am not making any excuses for our behaviors and biases. I know we as white people continue to hurt BIPOC (consciously and unconsciously). I also know that we need to get over our shame, fear and ignorance. I don’t expect any BIPOC to have any empathy for us, yet somehow, there are those that do. In my work, I often find that BIPOC, in organizations I’m consulting with, continue to feel harmed by white people. Additionally, white people often say that they feel like they can’t do anything right. This is what I’ve been sitting with.   

I do workshops where BIPOC are harmed by white folks, where white folks freeze up, shut down or lash out self-defensively. I know we have to work together (BIPOC and white people), yet, I am struggling with finding ways to do so without continuing to harm BIPOC. I do a lot of work with other white people. Much of that work is about helping us to understand ourselves as racialized beings and the impact of that on us and BIPOC. Often there is resistance and occasionally not. What is ever present to me though is that as a group we (white people) aren’t moving fast enough in our growth and development. We don’t have critical mass.  

I know as an organizer that we often make changes, person by person, and community by community; yet it still feels so slow. When I think about where I am in my own racial development, I often feel frustrated with my own growth. I know I am making progress yet progress is not linear. I still do and say things that cause emotional and sometimes lived harm to BIPOC. I try to have empathy for myself. I know I am causing less harm than I have in the past and that I am doing some good. I try to be accountable not only to BIPOC but to my own moral code. 

It can be really tempting to give up when it gets tough, which is why it's so important to build stamina and support networks so that we can lean in when it gets hard. What are you doing to build your stamina? 

I will continue as long as I’m breathing to work to undo racism and oppression, in myself and in the world. Some days it feels like it's a jog and other days a grueling marathon. I do know that no matter how long the road feels, or how long it takes, I need to keep on it!  

I hope you’ll join me on the journey,

Robin

Here are some of the things I did this summer:

  • 9/30/23 Last call for the Shame Resilience for white Executive Leaders

Robin Schlenger