I know that there are huge disparities in the healthcare system that negatively impact People of Color, especially Black People.  I know people who have lost loved ones because of the way the health care system has viewed them as less than human.  But until recently, I didn’t feel it. I mean really feel it, like deep in my bones. I FEEL it now. 

I am currently navigating the hospital, rehabilitation and long-term care systems as a family member. My father has dementia and recently fell and broke his hip. I have written about my relationships with my father in a previous blog and he is one of the most important human beings in my life. My father is a white, upper middle class, CIS gender male with good health insurance and a long-term health care plan and has two white upper middle class daughters.  He has a lot of privilege. With all the privileges he has, I am devastated, angry and heartbroken by the way he has been treated and the level of care provided to him.  

I understand that the facilities are severely understaffed and the staff that are there are overworked, and underpaid. I understand the impact of COVID. I am not looking to place blame, only to share my experience. 

Although my sister and I have tried to make sure that one of us is always with him, there are still things we can’t do and/or are not allowed to do by ourselves. My dad has been left for literally hours sitting in a wheelchair, sliding down until he almost falls off. He has been left in his own feces because we aren’t allowed and/or able to lift him ourselves to clean him up. He has been left in a bed for an entire day because there are no therapies on the weekends and not enough staff to get him up to move around. We’ve been told that he is “too big” to get therapy in the group room and needs one to one which seems to be an imposition on the therapists (he is 5 foot 10 and 160 lbs). We've been told he gets “too agitated” (he has severe dementia and suffered a traumatizing fall).  

I could go on but what I want to share with you all is what finally hit me, what I have known, but never really felt. If this is our experience as a white, CIS, middle class family, what about People of Color and Black families and families that can’t afford insurance and long-term health care plans? What about families that don't have the privilege to be able to take turns being with their loved ones at the hospital all day or pay for a caregiver? If my father isn’t being treated like a human being, what about them?  

I am disappointed and a little ashamed that it took me this long to feel it. It took my heart cracking open for me to TRULY understand, for me to FEEL, not just know. It cracked me down to the bones and it all came flooding in. 

So here I sit in the sorrow, rage and fear of what is happening to my father, knowing that even in my sorrow I have privilege.

See you on the journey,

Robin

I had the incredible privilege of writing a chapter with Dr. Alana Tappin @heartofthematterpsych for Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy’s new book, “The Enduring, Invisible, and Ubiquitous Centrality of Whiteness.” You can find our work in chapter 27 called “Transforming the Shame of Whiteness for Collective Healing”. Pre-order here: https://wwnorton.com/books/9781324016908.

On November 19th, I was interviewed by Marsha Ramroop, RIBA Director of Inclusion and former BBC journalist, on the RIBA radio show. You can find my interview at 47:30; the entire video is about an hour long.

I was interviewed by Amira Martin, LCSW-R, and I shared more about my private practice, training, and leadership work. Throughout the interview, I talked about my approach to my work as a white therapist using an anti-racist perspective.

Click the video to watch, like, and subscribe! Full link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TpYUPL2bKg

Robin Schlenger